Dear friends, I am so happy to see you. And some of you have come from so far! I know who you are and you are so dear to me. My journey is your journey and I know your sorrows and pain from
within. That is why I would like to share some of my insights into this long journey that you as souls have embarked on.
I would like to take you to the beginning of this journey, all the way back to the beginning when you were born as souls in a reality that was new and unknown to you. I would like to take you to
the very moment you started your journey through time and space, through material reality. This event lies a very long way back, but the emotions that go with it, the pain of being separated
from home, are still very present in all of you. This cosmic birthing pain, as I call it, lies behind many of your everyday feelings and behaviors.
Many of you are continually confronted with a sense of restlessness or unease within, the nagging notion that you are “in search of something.” There is an internal tension that comes
from not being entirely at home with yourself. You do not feel comfortable or at home with your own being, your own essence.
From this basic tension, the tendency arises to search for outside validation in the form of acknowledgement by others, material possessions or whatever makes you feel loved and cared for. You constantly need something outside of you to reassure you, something that relieves the tension and says: “you are all right.” Look at how often you crave this reassurance and then you will know how tense you really are, how much pain there is inside you.
I would like to speak about the origin of this pain and the ensuing addiction to outside validation. The real cause is like the center of an onion that has many layers around it. The outer layers are formed by certain events in your life which have caused you to feel hurt, restless, not at home within yourself. In the deeper layers closer to the core of the onion, there are events from other lifetimes that have been emotionally traumatic. Still, from the perspective I am now taking, these are only trigger points. If you peel away all the layers and get to the core, you will discover an original pain, an essential homesickness that is connected to the very beginning of your journey.
Imagine yourself as part of an ocean of love, feeling safe and completely free from worry or anxiety. Imagine yourself being embraced by this all-pervading, loving consciousness and not knowing anything outside of it. This is the energy of Home, the energy you were born from. To understand the feeling tones of this ancient state, think of the consciousness you have when you drift away into sleep, when your mind releases control and your consciousness is very receptive. You also know this state in your earthly lives when you are an embryo in the motherly womb. When consciousness is in this gentle, blissful slumber, there is no clear distinction between inner and outer, no sense of me as opposed to you. In the embryonic, dreamy state of consciousness there is a boundless sense of oneness and safety.
In those ancient times, you as souls felt safe and boundless within in a huge cosmic womb. At a certain point, however, something changed. You experienced a kind of tearing apart. It was as though birthing contractions rippled through your oceanic awareness and awoke you from your slumber. That was the beginning of your birth as individual souls. It is when you broke loose from this ever present oneness that engulfed you that you experienced yourself as yourself for the first time. There was a rudimentary sense of “I” that was initiated in that very moment.
The experience of being torn apart, of being separated from the cosmic womb, left you bewildered and disoriented. You were not in a state of knowing when this happened; you were purely in a state of experiencing. You started to blindly search for something to hold onto, a way of returning back to the safety you knew. You felt lost. You felt shut out. It was a moment of darkness.
Nonetheless, the moment you tore yourselves free from prime Source and left Home was at the same time a moment of immense creativity. It was the beginning of a grand journey of experience, of life. Imagine a dark empty space, strange, vast and nameless, lying before you. You entered this space as little seedlings. It was a space full of potentiality, full of possible experiences that were as yet unknown. There was darkness, but there was also room for something new.
Many of the emotions you had to deal with at the start of your cosmic journey are comparable to the emotions of a lost child that I spoke about last time (see “The power of your own consciousness”). They are the emotions of a newborn baby who has to get used to a strange and unfamiliar reality that is utterly different from the semi-conscious slumber state it was in before. The image of the lost child, crying and bewildered, makes vividly clear the inner wounds with which you started your journey.
During this journey, you have experienced a lot. You have taken on many forms, inhabited different bodies and eventually you ended up here, on planet Earth. Earth is a place of great creativity and many possibilities. Still, despite the possibilities available to you and the richness and depth of your experience, you continue to feel homeless. There is a sense of lack deep within, as if something is missing and you do not know what it is, but it is essential for you to feel good. What is missing is the very basic sense of love and emotional safety that you once knew in the cosmic womb. This unconditional sense of belonging and safety is essential for your well being, for your self expression and your sense of self worth, and you have been looking for it ever since you left Home. You have been trying to heal your cosmic birthing pain for a long, long time.
What I would like to ask you now is whether you can recognize deep within yourself the original wound that was created when leaving Home. Can you find within your own psyche this sense of being torn apart from an original whole? It is a state of wholeness or oneness that cannot be explained by the mind but in your heart you can remember that you were part of it.
By turning your attention to this original birthing pain, by becoming aware of the deep feelings it evoked in you, the loneliness and homesickness you have felt up to this present moment, you can start the healing process. You can start to heal yourself at the deepest possible level. It is here that you can get to the core of your pain.
All of you who are present here or who are reading these words are growing towards a new level of consciousness. You are seeking to establish an inner foundation of safety and unconditional love for yourself. You are recreating the feeling tones of the cosmic womb by yourself and for yourself. This is your mission, your spiritual goal. As soon as you realize that Home is within you, that you carry a piece of that divine safety and oneness in your very core, then you can really get peaceful and relaxed about who you are. There’s no need for outside validation anymore. It feels good when you are appreciated and cared for by others but you do not depend on it anymore.
The coming of the New Era depends on individuals who recognize the core of their pain and who dare to face it openly. In this stage of your development, it is time to not only look at the pains and traumas that have arisen in your present life and perhaps in the lifetimes before, but to go beyond all of these and to address the original wound. As soon as you consciously recognize and remember this pain with your heart, you are ready to take care of it. You are ready to take into your arms that newborn cosmic child that is still crying out for your help. It is calling you through your negative emotions of fear, anger and despair.
One way of knowing how you are dealing with your cosmic birthing pain is to look at the area of relationships in your life. Often people try to find relief for their deepest emotions of loneliness and fear in intimate relationships. What they try to do is to fill their inner emptiness with the energy of someone else. The recognition, attention and care of the other person soothes their pain. In a sense, they are handing over their hurt child to their partner. This is a very dangerous game. Sooner or later, the partners will become emotionally dependent on one another. Their initial feelings of love and connectedness will change into a subtle or not-so-subtle power play. Whenever you are dependent on someone else for feeling loved and safe, you are claiming his or her energy for yourself and this will always lead to struggle and conflict in the end. You will end up feeling more lonely than ever. (See “Relationships in the New Era” for further discussion of this issue.)
You often think that loneliness is associated with a lack of friends or a life partner and that the solution lies in a new friendship or love relationship. But in this line of thought you assume that the cause of, and the solution to, your pain lies outside of yourself. If that is how you start a relationship, you are likely to eventually hold the other person responsible for your inner wounds and see yourself as the victim. To need someone else to fill up the emptiness inside you is to disempower yourself from the start.
The area of intimate relationships can make you very aware of the cosmic birthing pain you carry within. See how often you feel like you need the presence of another person in your life. This is in fact a signal from your inner being that you need to turn inwards and find the lost child within. The solution to your loneliness lies in this turning inward, in the careful embrace of that precious child within that has carried the emotional burden for you. When you take responsibility for that child, when you connect to it and guide it as a loving parent, you are setting your relationships free. You can now relate to other human beings in a free and independent way.
© Pamela Kribbe